Imperfectly Authentic
What do you think about yourself? Do you actually know?
Your teen/tween/young adult has many views about who they are how they fit into this world, especially if they are female. Our education system creates hierarchy, the system creates class and tiers of popularity which, from the very first term, forces our youngsters to decide which box or category they fit into.
I guess it is a fact of the world we live in, unavoidable, but I don’t like it.
I don’t like that young, impressionable minds are put in a place for the majority of their week which forces them to look at other (young and immature) people, comparing themselves to those people, in order to decide who they are.
The main reason I don’t like that is because those views formed in the adolescent years tend to stick.
Those views made in the adolescent year are the views that shape the adult.
Those views form thought patterns and those thought patterns form pathways in our thinking – and those pathways get more and more ingrained the older we get.
If your young adult is a positive type of a person, happy in their own skin, able to articulate problems, upset or frustrations then I’m sure you are golden. The reality though is your child is probably
incredibly unsure….
Am I pretty, am I ugly, am I too fat, am I too thin, am I stupid,
am I fanciable, do people like me, can the see my spots, did I say something stupid
Busy comparing……
She is more popular, he is funnier, she is more beautiful, he always has a girlfriend, she is so confident,
he has so many followers, she is clever, he is the most sporty, she is so thin, he is so big
Worrying about school……
Are my grades ok, have I done enough work, am I on the right track, do I need to work harder,
how am I going to get all the revision done, will my exams be ok, am I going to fail, what do I do next
And all of these things are just massive generalisations because each individual has their own little set of concerns, thought patterns, ‘stuff’ always whizzing through their brain which distracts, concerns and confuses constantly. The easiest thing for a teenager to do is to keep it all to themselves.
You can show them a better way. You can demonstrate how to be real.
You probably feel a little bit imperfect every now and again, say so, tell them, in doing so you are giving them the words to express how they feel.
On a bad day you can talk about it.
Demonstrate all the things you do to feel better ie have a bath, do some exercise, read a book, pray
On a good day you can celebrate it.
We don’t realise we are doing it but we demonstrate to our kids, by our actions, how to do life and sometimes, in the busyness of our week, our demonstrations are not the healthiest.
If we start to show them that imperfection is ok they will start to learn that truth.
If we show them that authenticity is the way to go they will start to learn that truth.
If we show them that cares and concerns are real and often better expressed they will learn that truth too.
As the parent in the household you are the leader. A fact that your child may disagree but, as the leader, be confident that they are wrong.
True leadership comes from Authenticity over perfection that is sometimes imperfectly expressed.
Sheryl Sandberg, COO, Facebook