Not ready for 7am!

Teenagers needing to lie-in is actually a thing.

They cannot do first thing in the morning, they just cannot do it.

Teenagers biologically settle down to sleep later in the day than children and adults It means that early mornings are often very painful for them.

The human body needs certain hormones to be suppressed and other hormones to  be released for good sleep to happen –

and this happens later in the adolescent body

So a grumpy teenager who cannot face getting up for school in the morning is an age-old, world-wide problem which is why some countries now have a 10am school start time.

Short of emigrating though, what can we do?

Adults would suggest ‘you are tired this morning, why don’t you go to bed earlier tonight?’

It doesn’t work because they go to bed and lie there wide awake.

Adults would suggest ‘leave your phone downstairs tonight so it doesn’t distract you while you are trying to sleep.’

It doesn’t work because they can’t sleep anyway and now their brains are left wondering what everyone else is up to which they are missing out on because their phone is downstairs.’

Adults would suggest ‘have a rest when you get home from school rather than seeing friends.’

It doesn’t work because by then the teen body is wide awake.

The point is adult logic, adult reasoning means nothing to the teenager.

They are no longer children, not yet adult, feeling like they know it all. They know they are tired this morning because they didn’t go to sleep til late last night, they don’t really need you to point that out to them, but they didn’t feel tired til late last night that is why they were still wide awake! A teenager will often hear that adult logic as critical, as a little dig at themselves so, rather than responding as if in a normal conversation, they may get narky and grumpy about it.

If you feel like you need to speak about bedtimes or grumpy, waking up times maybe ask them, conversationally, how come you have been staying up late this week? What’s been going on?

Or you could point out that you have been struggling to get up this week, I don’t know why I am so tired.

Or there maybe some other round about way to converse rather than advise.

Bedtimes are one of the many things that teenagers need to practice. Everyone needs to learn to recognise when they are tired and need to go to bed, how to associate a 4am bedtime with an exhausted day at school, how to manage what they want with responsibility and living well in this society – those are lessons we are have to learn. Of course, we need to guide them and help them but part of growing up having the space to try and different ways of doing life before hitting on the way that works for them and asking for help when they just don’t know anymore.

They are more likely to ask you when they don’t feel you are criticising them

7am maybe painful for your young adult but they are not alone and, as the parent wondering what to do about it rest assured that you are not alone either.